Rose of Aberlone

A poem written by a law professor named Brainerd Currie. If you are not interested in nerdy humor, at least read until when the cow moos in German...

Neologisms

I haven't been updating my blog enough. Well, this shall make up for it:
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Neologisms .....
The Washington Post publishes a contest for readers in which they are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words.

Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent

Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.

Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.

Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.

Bustard (n.), a rude bus driver.

Semantics (n.), pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood.

Spatula: n. A fight among vampires.

Excruciate: n., the ligament that attaches your ex-wife to your paycheck.

Perplexed: adj., lost in a movie theater.

Population: n., that nice sensation you get when drinking soda.

Racket: n., a small pair of breasts.

Nincompoop: n., the military command responsible for battlefield sanitation.

Ineffable: adj., describes someone you absolutely cannot swear in front of.

Pontificate: n., a document given to each graduating pope.

Pimple: n., pimp's apprentice.

Discussion: n., a Frisbee-related head injury.

Ozone: n., area in which the G-spot is located.

Flattery: n., a place that manufactures A and B cup brassieres only.

Cabbage Patch: A patch for those trying to stop eating cabbage.

Sudafed: A software program on how to file a civil action against the government.

Pop Secret: Paternity suit settled without publicity.

Oral-B: Monica's grade on her last intern evaluation.

The B-train

There's a beautiful Siamese cat in my apartment. My roommates named him B-Side because the B side of a soundtrack always contains the little known songs that are often better than the A side tracks.

So you can imagine my surprise yesterday, when the door to Boston's B-Train opened, and a band was improvising a song about how the B-train was the best train in town. It was a wonderful blues tune, sang by a frumpy little guy in an old tweed jacket, and accompanied by a harmonica and air drums. The train was already crowded with passengers, but we made space for the hippish-looking band, laughing and wondering what they smoked/drank/snorted that night. Or perhaps they are just high on the sponteneity of life. Anyway, it's probably one of my favorite subway rides in Boston.

Overheard at BU in two days

From our reputable, outrageously gay professor:

"Wear something nice to the formal. If you are from the Midwest, that means a suit and a tie."

"Massachusetts is an over-educated state, unlike some of those under-educated ones. I won't mention which, y'all."

Conversations at the library/Class:

Prof: Feel free to ask me any questions
A: In all seriousness, professor, what's the best way to relieve stress before an exam?

J: I'd understand my notes better if it actually said, herfus, herfus, murfus. And I can be like, oh, you mean herfus herfus!

M: Do bisexual men exist?
A: They are rare, like unicorns.

Q: Are you going to bring your class notes to the open-book exam?
M: I'd bring toilet paper to the exam if it's going to help.

A not so happy day-after

After spending a day on nothing but the "intent of the parties," "intoxication," and "mistake," I am now intensely jealous of the fact that all my friends are in NY getting drunk in a lounge, and that it was probably a mistake for me to come back this early. My only break today was going out to buy more chocolates and other forms of sustenance. Where is the justification in that?

I need to constantly remind myself of my long-term goals.

I also need to learn to be one of those babies that refused to eat the cookie in front of them so that they'd get two later. Sad little buggers.